An unlikely iniquitous co-habitation......

A much celebrated beauty pageant queen of days gone by who went on to be a popular film and telly actress graciously came to our little town to give speeches and preside as mistress of ceremonies at our homecoming parade, football game, and half-time pageant.

A bunch of us were mobbed together, serving as parking ushers in the high school's lot when the kind lady's motorcade arrived for the game. Me and razor huey and jimmy dudley and Euell______, commonly known as Pill were collecting parking fees at the north entrance to the school campus when Pill did a subtle "ahem", clearing his throat preparatory to telling one of his infamous tall tales.

Now Pill, about as ugly as a toad, was always boasting of his past libidinous exploits and conquests. We mostly ignored him in disbelief. I mean, some of the fine ladies he cited were famous in popular culture and all were trophy quality pieces of fluff. Surely Pill wasn't going to intimate that he had had carnal intercourse with this former miss mississippi !

Another polite cough to get our attention and Pill began his story.....

"The tire factory was shut and we were on what looked to be a long strike. I soon wearied of the picket line and me and my cousins cecil and russell turned scab and sought millwright work over to the biloxi and pascagoula yards. While there I met M_____backstage at a flying burrito brothers concert and we hit it off and one thing led to another."

James Dudley let out an irreverent, scornful harumph and said that the famous lady must have been either blind or crazy or both. Pill admitted that, on the night in question, she might have been drinking a bit, what with the concert and all. Razor Huey opined vehemently that she must have been not only drinking but seriously drunk. Well this hurt Pill's always sensitive feelings somewhat and he angrily encouraged dudley and razor to go elsewhere.

When Pill and I were finally alone he continued the story:

"Yes, me and M______got to be quite an item whenever we could find time.....she, cast in a daytime soap opera, continually flying back and forth between hattiesburg and L.A. and me working in the shipyard. I even flew out to hollywood to be with her a few times. In fact, we spent so much time together, that her kid and two step-kids practically thought of me as a stepdad of sorts."

Well I had had enough of this wading in obvious B.S. The marching band was playing the pre-game stuff so I left Pill so as not to miss any of the action.

Some years later I made the acquaintance of a fellow surnamed Collins who happened to mention that the famous lady referred to above was indeed his stepmom. I asked him if he remembered, from his youth, a somewhat peculiar man from alabama name of Euell_____ and he startlingly surprised me.

"You mean Pill ! I haven't thought of him in many years. He was a nice enough in his own way but he was forever, incessantly talking of short-track racing and something called georgia championship wrestling and snag-fishing the coosa river. By the way, just precisely what kind of fish is a snag ?