Many years ago, in a previous life... I operated a small town business. I met many folks from all over the Country through my business.

One of them, was a guy about my age who was a reporter for the local newspaper. He was assigned to cover an event that I was promoting. We kind of got along & began to hang out a bit. Went to a couple of watering holes, went plinking, even had me over for dinner with his wife & two small children once.

One day he came by & told me that he was moving east to take a job at a big paper. We e-mailed a few times after he moved. Shortly thereafter, I also moved & we lost contact.

For some reason I started thinking about him this morning & decided to look him up on the I'net.

I found him.

Somehow his world went bad. He went on a shooting spree & killed some innocent people before the police put him out of his misery. It sounds like he was deeply affected by 9/11 & was located close to the towers when they came down. His personal & professional life went downhill in the years that followed.

I'm having a tough time digesting this information.

~JM~

if we don't know about it yet, have lost such a person in similar circumstances. Perhaps not similar in that they went out and committed violent acts on others, but similar in that they and their lives "came apart" and they passed too young. People with addictions, untreated health problems, depression, traumatic events in their lives and so forth who have reacted by allowing disease to take its course or actively taking their own lives. It is very sad, can be very depressing, but it is seldom something over which we had any hope of exercising any control what-so-ever.

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Sincerely,

Hobie

the deep end and do a Blue Suicide a few years ago... hard to wrap your mind around that sort of thing...

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Of the Troops & For the Troops

......although it is in a somewhat different fashion. Two of my absolute closest friends in high school, and for many years afterwards, effectively destroyed their lives because of alcohol abuse for the one, and drug/alcohol abuse with the other.

I saw it coming with one of them, and pleaded with him to get help to no avail. The other was such a destructive drinker, I avoided him the last years of his life, which I deeply regret.

Whenever either of them crosses my mind I still feel a deep loss, because I knew who they once were. But try as I might I didn't have the tools or education to help change them in any way.

I sometimes feel as though I failed them, but the sad reality is that they failed themselves. We can love them, pray for them, struggle with them, but in the end, they are the ones who have to make a change.

So remember him for who he was, mourn him for your loss, but never fall into the trap of feeling at fault, no matter how tempting. Time to fire a few shots in his memory, and if you imbibe, down a few shots for your pain.

No one gets out of here alive, it's how we end our days that shows our true character.

Otony

Illness (very rare and she was being treated but for the wrong thing), our minister told me "don't play what if - you will only beat yourself up." I will never forget that. Sometimes I think not knowing she had a terminal illness shielded my son and me.

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Very true. He did it to himself for whatever reason.

Like just about everyone else, there's been friends and acquaintances who have 'gone 'round the bend' in one way or another. Some fatally, for others it was just a detour.

I have long believed that a person is responsible for their actions and decisions and that no one else can take up any blame or credit. This helps me. Not to say one is powerless to help another, as I've personally experienced that miracle as well. I had a very dear friend who had issues with alcohol. I spent countless hours trying to console and council them. I prayed hard to find the right words and reactions to the situation. In the end, it turned into one of the 'detours' mentioned above.

Yet, I do not pat myself on the back for this recovery. I told them all along, "It's your decision. Change and be happy or keep going and be miserable." My part was only to stand there with my hand out.

I am very sorry that your friend chose the path he did. Please do not beat yourself up for his actions. You can be sad. You can be angry. You can wonder why. You cannot take responsibility.

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I do not feel any blame or responsibility.

Just difficult to reconcile the person I once knew, with the person he later became. I feel bad for the needless loss of the lives for all that were involved & for their families. Most likely he will only be remembered for his final actions vs. some of his good deeds.

~JM~

It's tough trying to understand why some folks simply take the wrong path, especially when you KNOW they knew better. Empathy is important, but sometimes it's impossible to be empathetic toward certain decisions.